I AM SO DOWN

I know he not really care about me. I know nobody did. I am so upset till I can't think properly. I don't know why. Maybe I near to my menses period. Don't know why and don't know how. This is not so good. Till sometime I think he might be got someone else behind me. I don't know. I don't know what to think. Everything's seem wrongs all the way. And I hate it. I do.

Sometimes I look at him and I feel like he's ignoring me. And it's make me so angry and somehow, we fight. Is that just me or it's really happen ?

I know and realise nobody is care about me. I know sometime people don't know me even we work or studying together. I am not so famous and nobody needs me. I sometime think who gonna attend my funeral ? It's so sad to see people just 'Hah, she's dead ? Innalillahiwainalillahirojiun.' And that's it. No tears for me. Not even a doa for me.

I have no confident to myself. I have no one beside me. I am so down.

MY 7300 DAYS ANNIVERSARY :D

Hahaha it's better to say 7300 than admit that I am 20 this year. Homaigodddd ! I am 20 guys :O Hahaha that's mean I am suppose to be mature than before. It's not I'm not matured enough, it's just maturer than before I guess. Haha die tknk mengaku jugak :D

So what I've did for today ? Not much but quite much I guess haha. 12 am last night I was received a text wish from ina, my bestf. And no one after that. And of course my baby. Tu tk pyh bagitau lah. Wajib kan :D So i go to sleep. I woke up late today. About 1 pm. The first thing I did is turning on my pc and I receive couple birthday wishes on facebook but not from any of my bestf except zaza. Zaa, thanks for that. I really appreciate that. Then about an hour I was staring to the monitor and I give up when still no wishes received from my bestf. Sedih gilaaaa :O

Right after I finished my bath I got a text message. I thought it was from fadzli, but it was not. It was from qila. Haha die wish my birthday and explained knape die lambat. Haha happy sekejap after that. Then lepas tu we went out without no direction. Seriously tktau nk pegi mane then fadzli took me to wangsa walk nk makan cake dekat secret recipe. Haha seriously first time aku tk suke gila makan cake cause I choose the terrible one --'

Nampak tk muka tk puas hati tuu :D

So after makan cake, he gave 2 choices utk pilih tempat pegi makan. The first one is fullhouse. And second one I don't know what happen he offered to brings me to Ikea Damansara sebab nk belanja sy makan meatball. Haha actually I really really want to get there but have no chance and today yes, he brings me there. Haha thanks darling. Yes it was my first time sampai sana after 20 years lahir di dunia. So what ? Haha sy bukan anak selangor that's why lahhh #noob Haha

The Curve #Yb Fadzli :D

So after that we take a walk at The Curve then we get home. Ehh bukan home. We proceed to Pavilion sebab Ijam kate nk belanja wayang so kitorang sambung crite Abduction yg kitorang dah tgk separuh kelmarin. Taylor lutner wooo my babyyy. Haha. So dalam movie I received a call from my baby fida. He sang me a birthday song and I felt to cry that time. Haha she was late cause she attend a competition and she win on that. Congratulation mok ! :DD

So after that kitorang pun balik rumah. It is true I don't get anything, but I just wanna tell you that I'm appreciate a memory from you guys to me. Thanks a lot for the wishes guys. And special thanks to Fadzli for being so tolerant with me on my special day. You such a good guy and I love you baby. I have never been celebrated like this before. Thanks to abah for the money. Even it was a couple bucks, but I do appreciate that. And thanks to mak for nasi goreng kampung. I am not from a rich family but I do appreciate a simple things. Even I got no wishes from my family except from ibab *tu pun on fb, but I know I have a happy family in my 20 years life.

Do I look like I'm 20 ? Not really kan ? :D

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BABYY :*

Okay this post might be quite late. Referring to this entry's title, you all can see that on 10th of september are my baby's birthday. I'm so glad to get this chance for celebrated his anniversary with him again. Thanks to Allah. The day before yesterday, *friday, I was worry cause I don't have any plan to celebrate his big day. But with Allah permission, this birthday are the best birthday ever he had. I know he were so happy till he can't even shut his mouth for one second, even. Haha.


So today, I treated him what else, makan lah. Haha. Ingat nk belanja dekat hotel, ececehhh. Tengok muka die. Haha so I teringat die cakap 'Camane nk makan dekat open house ni yang ? Kenyang lah' Hahah sampai open house, diam diam die tambah 2 kali :DD


Hence, we proceed pegi open house rumah one of our collegemate, hee die tk jemput pun but kitorang dgn muka tebal datang jugak. Sini lah tempat kejadian die tambah 2 kali :DD


Next, rumah putra pulak. Open house jugak. Hee sini die makan roti jala jee. Haha comel je bbyboy saya nii :D


Next, open house dekat rumah one of Zaza's friend, Fatin. I've met her before. Sy pulak bantai mee rebus. Ahaha sedappp :D


And finally, kitorng pegi open house paling besar skali, One Utama :D Haha actually kitorang pegi sebab my baby nk bagi saya try meatbal kan. Sedih tk sy tk penah rasa haha wtv ! :DD Tapi oleh sebab perut jerit overloaddd haha so jalan jalan and minum minum aje lahh. Hee.

What a nice day we had today. What a nice 'kebetulan' we had there. Thanks to all my friends for today. And lupe nk cerita, masa nk pegi OU, mcm mcm happened. Kelakar gile. Ade yg almost accident, ade yg salah jalan. Haha it was dangerous but sweet moment as well. Thanks guys. I won't forget this moment. Wish this good relationship, will last till we die. And I hope kite masing masing will stick with each other during thick and thin will yaa ? :')

RAYA SAYA :)

Hari terakhir ramadhan.

Rasa sedih campur gembira tinggalkan KL utk sambut hari raya. Tapi masa packing baju nk balik kampung, sebak rasa sebab kena tinggal my kitty bum bum dekat KL sebab beliau bertolak lambat sikit dari saya. I don't know why tapi sumpah risau masa bertolak ke kampung. Hati terdetik kalau lah itu kali terakhir kite berjumpe, sebak dada rasa nk pecah tapi gagahkan juge apakan daya. Syukur alhamdulillah sampai ke kampung halaman, semuanya berjalan dengan lancar. And this is the last night of ramadhan. Kite semua tolong paksu utk jual lemang dan sgt lah meriah malam tu. What surprise me is, bukan kite golongan org islam je yg beli lemang, cina india semua tumpang sekaki. Katanya memang dorg tunggu aidilfitri tiap tiap tahun sebab nk makan lemang ni. Nk bakar susah kan. Bau asap jugak lah baju saya malam tuu. What a precious moment I got there :')

Hari pertama syawal.

Lepas berbuka di tepi jalan, even azan pun kitorang tk dengar, main tibai je waktu berbuka, tibalah hari yg di tunggu tunggu. Sedikit sebak di hati sebab org yg di sayang sayang berada beratus ratus kilometer jauh dari saya. Tapi gagahkan lah juga. Setahun sekali. Hee. Hari tu semua kebetulan pakai baju biru. Haha boria sakan :D

Syawal kedua.

Tema hari ni warna hitam pulak. Jauhnye kitorang berjalan. Dari seberang perai ke tembak, kedah. Lebih kurang 1 jam setengah duduk dalam kereta habis senget senget tudung. Haha. Bile sampai dekat rumah yg dituju, ya Allah sgt lah terkejut tengok rumah saudara yang masih lagi mengekalkan seni bina tradisional melayu. Jenuh buat photoshoot dekat sana. Lepas tu, kitorang proceed ke rumah sepupu saya. Lebih kurang sejam dalam kereta lagi menuju ke kuala kedah. Rumah ni btul btul tepi laut. Seram pulak kann :/

Syawal ketiga.

Alhamdulillah sempat lagi nk sambut syawal yg ketiga. Syawal yg ketiga kitorang beraya dekat perak. Tanah tumpah darah emak saya. Sana lah tempat die membesar, bermain, bak kata org tempat jatuh lagikan dikenang. Nothing special tapi lepas beraya, kitorang pegi makan yong tau foo dekat taiping. Terbaikkk :D

Syawal yg keempat.

Tk larat nk pakai baju kurung dah. Haha. Syawal keempat lah kami beraya sakan. Bukan beraya dekat rumah org biasa, tapi beraya dekat rumah salah satu legend tersohor kat Malaysia. Kitorang beraya dekat rumah Allahyarham P.Ramlee. Di rumah ni lah die dilahirkan. Tapi lagi satu rumah die, dekat dengan rumah saya, dekat genting klang. Nanti nk pegi sana pulak :')

Syawal ke lima.

Saya tk captured any picture sebab on that day saya kena jadi photographer sebab photographer kitorang kena berangkat balik awal ke KL. So, no picture was taken. Hee.

Syawal ke enam.

Syukur alhamdulillah dah sampai ke KL. And org pertama yg akan dicari mestilah kekasih hati ;) So pakai cantik cantik hari ni, keluar dengan sayang saya. Hari ni tgk hantu bonceng and kebetulan jumpe ijam and ikin so kitorang terus ajak die beraya sekali dekat rumah uli. Hee what a great day I had today. Lepas almost 5 days tk jumpe, sangat terasa rindu tuu. Hee. And I'm still missing you here, Mr F :D Ohh btw, hari ni genap hari ke 400 kami bersama. Kbye :D

I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU. I REALLY DO !

I am ego person. You know when someone got a big head, doing everything without thinking of others feeling. You know. Who sometimes being so annoying. That's me. I admit it. I am stupid sometime. I live with my ego. I put everything behind except my ego. How stupid I am ? I hurt my love one just to raise my ego. You know, sometimes I am truly upset with myself. Sometimes, I scream, I pinch you, it's all because I don't know how to be a better person.

I sit by myself. I was thinking. How ? I take my mother and my sister as an idol. I was try to be just like them. Full with patience. But I can't. Till today, you wanna leave me. I turn mad. I turn to be someone crazy. I felt to cry. But at same time, I felt angry, sad. You know. I walked alone. I don't know. I begging you not to leave me. You did. You're not leave me. You're still here. Be my side. Thanks for that. I am extremely happy for that.

Oh btw, I received a kad raya from my really really old friend. Haha kelaut english aku, Amerika ! Haha I got it for murni. Nanti I upload gambarnye kayy. I was wake up utk sahur. Then tibe tibe mak jerit, 'dik ade org hantar kad raya bawah pintu' I thought she was kidding. Tibe tibe keluar bilik btul btul ade lahh. Haha terharunyee.

For those yg nak bagi kad raya, silakan ehh. Jangan segan segan :D

NIGHT :')

I'm smiling by myself remember what happened last night. I was sneak out while everybody's sleeping, not on purpose. Haha. My baby. He was planned to playing futsal on midnight. But he has to tell his mom the game is 1 hour early than the real one because if he tell the truth, his mom will never let he going to the futsal game.

So I had no heart to let him alone outside and I don't want him waiting alone for 1 hour. I decided to be with him for 1 hour before the game start.

Haha and that's why I have to sneak out to be with him. Then when we start to make a move, rain fell down. It just sprinkle rain on the starting. But it getting hard when we get to semarak. Haha. Hujan selebat lebat nya and we just redah. Haha it was funny and that time he ask me 'ape kite buat ni yang ?' Hahah it was so cold you know. Then we stop at petronas ampang. We sit and think what to eat. But I'm still full and he suggest 'kite sahur sekali lah yang' haha. Then dia belanja ayam goreng mcD woo. Haha it was happy night we laugh, we chatting, I'm going to miss it. Then rain has stop and we decide to go to sport planet.

We got there and we saw nobody's there. Actually, I told him 'maybe takde game malam ni sebab hujan kan' but he said 'kite pegi tengoklah dulu'. And I was thinking dah alang alang kan. So about 45 minutes we've been waiting, still nobody's there. So hujan konon konon dah berhenti. So we start to get back home. Haha. After 5 minutes dah jalan, hujan balik. Haha.

And we screaming on the road sebab dah freezing gila kott ! Haha we're shaking tapi lagi kesian dekat die sebab dah basah lencun gila dekat depan tu. And finally we arrived at home safely. Alhamdulillah. It was a sweet memory of us. But too bad no picture was taken sebab we both tk bawak phone. Haha. And balik rumah, kitorang gaduh. Haha silly !

I AM STRONG PERSON. HMM AM I ?

Yesterday was a good day. Full with colors. I am happy person on yesterday. Full with laughs, jokes. Everything was fun. I met a lot of people in many kind. I was imagine. How if my parents was them ? Is that fair ? They love me till this day. Then one day, I send both of them to a place to take my responsible. Is that fair ? For them ? I am suppose to love them till the end, am I right ? So where's their children ? How could they leave all this people down there ? I don't know. I hope, I pray to Allah, don't pull me among of them. My parents deserve my love for ever. They need me.

A day before yesterday. It was a good day on the starting. I was with my love. My only one. Doing shopping together, break fast together. As usual, we laugh, ignore what people going to say about us. We just happy. And I am the happiest person on that time. But something happen. We start to fight. We curse each other. No more laugh on that time. We turn to other person. No more love. We just hate each other. We show it on words. Until one moment, he decided, to LEAVE me. I don't deserve it. I know. I was begging, I was crying. He said, he's not sure there's a love left for me ? Ohh that was stupid. I am loving him for anything happen. I hated him on that time. What kind of man you are ? Leaving me because of my weaknesses ? I tell you what ? You better don't.

So today, everything's back to normal. We're back in love again. That's the way this love playing with you. It hurt so bad sometime. But it give you rewards for everthings you've through. Trust me. Never lose hope :)

Happy 1 year and 1 month anniversary fadzli :')