improving

grrrr. people get sick watching we fighting almost everyday lately. huhhh. im getting sick too. but frankly, i know its all because of me. haha. but nobody know why i've been acting like this lately. there's only you the one who understand. blame me sayang. sure you can. cause you got nobody to blame for. its only me.

i have never wanted this kind of thing happen to me, sayang. im also never wanted to hurt you this hard baby. and im so sorry for that.

from now, for what you've did for to me, i promise to my self, i'd improve myself for you. for our happiness. trust me baby. i know i can. i just need you to show me the right path.

maybe i've never told you this one, but i fell so lucky to have you baby. the world would be so jealous to ai'nt got you sayang. heee. trust me. the only man who could make me happy, there's only you. the only man that i can trust, its only you.

easy to forgive

yeahhh, its maybe easy to forgot, but no, its not easy to forgive. im so sorry i could'nt be her. just like her. cause i am me. myself. at least, im not hypocrite or something else. this is me. the girl you fall in love and you in love with now. if you expecting i'd act like her, you better go get her to be with you.

sometimes, i just hope i can afford to compare you with any man i ever met. but no, i just could'nt. because i so understand and so pleased for what you had. that's my way. you has cross my border line. i just cant stand with it anymore. but no, i won't leave you. cause i just cant afford to do so.

so many things happened around, but this one, i just cant deal with it. cause i had enough, boy. and that is too bad to love you cause i just cant hurt you like you did.

DEAR FADZLI,

DEAR FADZLI,

Im so sorry for what i've done to You,
Im so sorry if I being so rude to You,
Im so sorry if I cant make you comfortable,
Im so sorry if I cant give Your confident back to You.
Im so sorry if i've being so mean to You.

Im so sorry if I keep yelling at You,
Im so sorry if I changed when I got lot of money,
Im so sorry if I act so annoyed to You,
Im so sorry if I cant give what You want from me,
Im so sorry if I angry at You when You keep complaining about You scars, Your pimple at me,
Im so sorry if I cant be so perfect to You.


IM SO SORRY FOR WHAT I"VE DONE, BUT STILL, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH :)

MAYBE !

yes, maybe i am the one who can make you laugh, but maybe yes, i cant appreciate you like you did to me. yes, im suck ! im stupid. DAMN. i should let you go, but i wont. because of what ?

IM STILL LOVING YOU :'(

but why i cant change for you ? kenapa tak boleh buang semua ego ni ? why huh ? haih. i dont deserve you man ! trust me.

you are nice man, i mean you can just throw your friends out of your life, but i cant ! why i cant do that ? why i cant be like you ? cant you see it ? i dont deserve you baby ! i mean, you could find a better girl for you. but, no ! i just cant see you with another girl. its pain ! and i know she could'nt make you happy like i did !

know what ? i wish i can make you happy, but i just cant. run baby run
i know you pain. just tell me if you want i let you go. but i know, you wont. i know you love me more than i love you. i know you cant live without me.

i have to stop pretend. im not myself anymore

I MISS MYSELF

3RD MONTHS ANNIVERSARY.

mesti korang kate, 'alah, baru 3 bulan !' haha. tapi korang tak tau macam mane sesak dada nii nak sampai sejauh nii. no, im not blaming you or whatsoever, its just i cant imagine so many things are we've been through. but now, we're stronger i guess. this is just a game, that we've to keep playing it to get top score. haha. ape aku mencarut nii ? sighhh.

whatsoever. im not giving up to my own game. haha. even im the one who ask you to end this game just now right ? remember syg ? but you dont have any idea why i did it. its so pain to fight with you. but like i said, its just a game. just keep enjoying the game.

yesterday, yes, we keep arguing until today. its just because a little girl who dont get enough attention and try to lagakan kitorang ! i dont know what exactly her attention, but yes, he made we fighting. haha. just let her be. she just fifteen ! grow up girl ! you annoying. trust me :)

and now, we just fine. everything are fixed. and happy 3rd months anniversary syg. i know we can stay longer. we just fine syg. trust me. people around are just jealous to what we got right now. they are jealous to not have you. because im the one who got you :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME !

19th anniversary cake :)

haha. see ! im 19 now lahh baby ! haha. this is my first time celebrating my anniversary with muhammad nur fadzli. awww, he's so sweet ! he really make my day. i love you sayang. now and forever.

so what i got on my birthday ?
an egg exactly on my head : jannah, ina and FADZLI ! haha. see, fadzli pun subahat sekali. tapi dia dah dapat telur tu from jannah. tapi die tak sampai hati nak baling sebab kepala aku dah sakit gila lepas jannah baling betul betul dekat atas kepala. haha :D thanks guys :)

a shirt and couple key chain : fadzli
a cake : ikin, ijam and fadzli. THANKS GUYS ! love you guys so much.

at first im really not expected this kind of celebration. but i dont know where they get the money to do this such things which so sweet ! haha. thanks thanks and big thanks for you guys ! sumpah lah saya amat terharu.

at first, fadzli janji nak keluar pukul 1. then dia lambat sampai nak dekat pukul 2 baru sampai bwh flat ! keje aku nak mengamuk je lah kan ! haha. then he told me, die nk pegi beli cake, tapi ijam dah beli. then i ask him. "mane korang dapat duit hah ? main num ekor ke ?" haha. sebab mcm marah jugak lah. sebab aku dah tau korang semua tgh kering including me. then sampai ap, takde hala tuju sampai lah ijam pegi kedai motor then fadzli gile ape entah ajak aku lepak dekat popular sambil baca buku. dalam hati dok pikir, ape lah tebiat budak nii selambe ajak aku dating dekat popular. then i know, die saje nak lengah kn masa sebab nak pegi rumah ekin lambat sikit. haha. lepas tu dah sampai je, ade cake lah ! haha. so sweet lah you guys.

thanks a lot yeee ! you guys such a good friend of me and fadzli is the best boyfriend i ever had. thanks sayang :)

ikin, the birthday girl and ekin :)

husband. ily :)

:)

happy :)

IM SO IN LOVE !

for the rest of my life,
i'll be with you,
i'll stand by your side,
honest and tru
to the end of my time,
i'll be loving you, loving you :)

by, maher zain.

sumpah this song touching gila ! hee. ily more muhammad nur fadzli :)

so guys, happy raya ! sorry lama tak updated. biasa lah kan, raya season, mesti banyak open house. so, busy lah sikit. tapi, ESOK FINAL ! woooow ! struggle lah hari ni. struggle lah sgt kn. dah berapa jam duduk depan pc, buku ape tak bukak lagi since raya hari tu. haaaah. kering gile kan ? haha. now, i really hope doa dari korang. tapi kalau ada doa, tapi buku tak bukak pun tak gune jugak kn ? see dayah, kau memang malas lahhh -__-'

cakap pasal open house, yesterday i was attended satu open house. the most important house in my life right now ! guess what ? semalam aku pergi rumah family fadzli. gila nervous. okayy, start cerita dari pagi. fadzli and me pergi college dulu sebab nak settle kn course work kitorang. ade satu lagi kuiz yang kitorang tak buat. then jumpa ijam. lepas tu text ekin, ajak pegi sekali. then kitorang fetch ikin girlf ijam pastu proceed pegi rumah fadzli. ahaha. but before that, malam sebelum open house fadzli told me for bring extra tshirt. haha. mama nye nak dera buat keje dapur. haha. tu yg nervous tu. then lepas sampai, salam mama lepas tu makan dengan dorang semua dekat depan.

few minutes later, ekin dgn wan nak balik. lepas tu, ijam dgn ikin pulak. haha. seems like dorang tinggalkan aku sorang sorang. gila nervous dohhh ! :O

tapi alhamdulillah, lepas fadzli pegi kedai, then mama and mamateh die soal siasat, haha. PASS ! alhamdulillah. hee. penerimaan yg baik. dan alhamdulillah aku pandai bwk diri. hee. plus dayah pandai lah pulak bodek kan, duduk dapur, cuci pinggan, angkat pinggan, tambah nasi, haha.

then malam, ingatkan nk dtg rumah fadzli balik, tlg mama kemas rumah die. tapi mama die kate tak payah sebab taknak susahkan aku. hee. lepas tu mama bagi duit raya. and yg paling mengejutkan, mama fadzli tulis something belakang sampul tu ! haha. thanks aunty. appreciate gile layanan yg diterima. semuanya sporting and boleh terima aku. sayang kata 'green light gila ohh yang !' haha. alhamdulillah. nenek, mamateh, babateh semuanya okay sgt. bersyukur sgt sgt :)

baba kate 'kau ni sebijik macam ateh (anak mamateh)'
ain kate 'hari ni gelak kena cover. ada boss tu (mama)' haha. sumpah ain jaga line terbaek gile !
mamateh kate 'nasib baik die sporting ngah, kalau tak dah lama mamateh reject !'
babateh kate 'baguih lah satu kelas dgn uli. lepas ni cepat sikit belajar'

lega rasanye, lepas semua ni dah jadi. haih. tapi kena ingat jugak, sekarang org suka, esok hari kite tak tau die suka lagi tak. insyaAllah

farewell RAMADHAN :(

today is the last day of ramadhan. so what im feeling ? hmmm, i suppose to be happy right ? but, no im nooottt. haha. and why ? i wonder why because this is the first time i feel this way at aidilfitri ! i been thinking about ramadhan last night. haih, this ramadhan quite hard for me. sumpah byk gila DUGAAN ! tapi alhamdulillah, its end very well and we're not going to celebrate aidilfitri together :( its okayy lah, but i dont know why i feel quite upset right now. kenapa ekk ? haih. semalam dah salam dia dah. tapi meleleh jugak air mata nii. kenapa yee ? maybe sebab banyak yg kite dah through sama sama ramadhan nii. alhamdulillah, semuanya okay je akhirnya :)

now he's at pedas, leaving me alone at kl. haha. its okayy, i will be at penang by tomorrow maybe. or tonight dah bertolak dah. insyaAllah. hope everything will be just fine. even he's not with me now, we still text-ing with each other. hee.

why my feeling could be like this ? macam nak sedih je. haha. entah lahh. hee. whatever lah. malas aku nak layan !

hee, now im done with kemas kemas rumah. sumpah cantik gile my home. hee. tingkap, kipas, lantai semua dah lap. tinggal nak packing barang untuk bawak pegi penang jee. hmm, maybe i'll be at penang until tuesday. hishh, my baby balik awal. kena lah tunggu aku. kesian dia :( tapi takpe lahh :) chill okay dayah ! raya nii ! hee :D

so tomorrow aidilfitri, and also my husband's birthday ! haha. happy birthday sayang. awal sikit sebab dekat kampung tak dapat nak update blog. takde internet.

so to my sayang, HAPPY 18TH ANNIVERSARY. WISH ALL THE BEST FOR YOU, LONG LIFE, HAPPY ALWAYS, BE WITH ME FOREVER, AND SUCCESS IN YOUR LIFE :)

you know how much i love you :)

NO MORE SECRET :)

yesss, i blow up the secret. there's nothing to hide. i know how pain to hear that. but you have to know, how pain i keep it secret and blame myself for all this time. look easy huh ? but its not. but still, thanks to you who are very strong to hear the secret.

there's nothing more to hide sayang. now, im totally yours. you got strong reason to walk away. but you did'nt. thanks to you again. you're the only reason why im still strong with this hard world. thanks syg, for not walk away, for accept who i am, for being with me all the time, for being so patience for all this time. for everything. im so appreciate it, and yess. who could be better than you ? NOBODY ! believe me :')

so yesterday, i thought it was my last class, but it was'nt. we still got class on wednesday. ouhh -__- and yesterday, me and sayang buat hal and puan ayu was pissed off when we're late for 1 hour. haha. itu sangat tak disengajakan because i thought class start on 12. but actually it start on 11. dah lah ada quiz, kitorang tak dapat buat pun. haha. but its okay lahh. malas nak fikir lagi dahh.

so semalam, kitorang buat sesi bergambar dalam class and now you all can meet my classmate and also my bestie :)

and malamnya, kitorang pegi berbuka puasa dengan our beloved mentor, puan izzaty and her husband :)

WE PERFECT THAN OTHERS :D

tonight, we did silly things. and now im realise, silly things make perfect. its make we different than others. tonight, i being myself. the real me. i dont even care if he did shame on me. i dont even care lah sayang. i do enjoy tonight. even that was the stupid-est things i ever did. anything for you sayang. you did the right choice. no regret lah ! i just love the way you make me crazy. nobody can do the way you did. it will be our best moment ever. heee :D

my super duper hubby :D

hun, this is your silly wife lah !

malam merdeka, kitorang jalan jalan. tak tahu nak kemane. tapi, sumpah terbaik. dan havoc gile ! sumpah lah fadzli, aku suke gile bile dengan kau. sorry buat kau shock. kesian minah tu kena sound dgn aku. tapi aku tak suka lah dia pandang kau. haih. tapi sumpah ni malam merdeka terbaik for me sayang. thanks a lot. thanks for the memory. nanti nak cerita dekat anak anak kita, ape mama dgn baba die buat malam merdeka. we did sweet-est things ever lahh. i love you so much. dont you ever think to walk away from me muhammad fadzli mohd ali :D

ITS OKAY .

THIS IS FOR OUR OWN GOOD.

yeahh, we cool.

I JUST CANT FIND A WORD :)

this song is really describe me right now. sometimes, when we are too happy or too upset, we just cant find the word to describe how it feel. and that is what happen to me right now ! for so many tests, finally, i got this feeling which is what im waiting for. its kind a magic to us. but its really beautiful right now. and yes, im speechless.

you are worthful sayang :)

iloveyou :)

im not the one who perfect, but im the one who love you very much - him

you're not the number one, but you're the only one -me

dekat basement parking. dekat college. haha. kalau gaduh je, dekat sini lah kitorang talk and try to solve the problem. plus petang tu hujan. malam we got program dekat college. ingat kan nak balik dulu, tapi hujan. so tunggu hujan berenti, amik bubur lambuk. then balik rumah.

dekat college. since program nii budak dpl yang punya project, then we datang lah and support. mane tau nanti program kite, diorang pulak yang datang support. ok, this is my love with songkok ! encem kan abang hajii ? haha. love you hun :)

sweet gile gambar nii. haha, speechless ! :)

today, he said, he want to quit from ptpl. haih, what can i say ? its up to you. i wish i could help you. im trying sayang. be strong ok. we'll through all of this together. ok sayang. iloveyou. aku takut gile nanti lagi banyak dugaan kalau kite jauh. sekarang dengan budak foundation tu pun aku dah berangin, lepas ni entah ape lah lagii. sumpah lah aku tak sanggup. faham lah yee sayang ? i just cant :(

NOW I KNOW :)

tot tot, bunyi alarm. hari nii memang dah set. nak skip class math. sebab tak pernah lagi skip kan. tapi ade tujuan aku skip class favourite aku tuu. haha.

'dayah, kenapa tak masuk class math ? kesian fadzli, tak boleh belajar kau takdee.'

'kau pegi mane haa ? asal lambat ? kau ni betul lah buat aku risau !'

the reaction i expected. haha. im not happy for this. im just glad to know you're sasau because of me. i know you're worried. and now i know how much you cant stand without me. now i know. i know what exactly you feel towards me. and i am proud with that. i got what are everyone wanted. i got it.

petang, haih. we're fighting.

'sayang macam dah tak suke dekat org' -him

muhammad nur fadzli, macam mane aku boleh tak suke dekat kau haa ? cube kau bagitau. perkataan tak suke tu tak pernah ada between us lah yang. we're getting married, remember ? so now, there's no more tak sukee, tak sayang. dah tak ada dah. faham lah sayang, sometimes im tired. i need time. but at the same time, i need you beside me. tapi aku faham jugak, you're so sensitive. kadang kadang, aku pun satu, cakap main lepas. tak fikir perasaan kau. im so sorry sayang. im so sorry. im trying to be perfect. the way exactly you want. but im still trying. sabar yee sayang :)

lepas habis class and hantar assignment, kitorang move pegi bazaar kampung bharu. teringin pulak aku. tapi macam takde ape yang menarik. but we got back the magic. hee.

depan masjid kg bharu.

sumpah lah awak mengundang ! haha.this is the one who i cant live without :)

IGNORE AND IGNORE.

5.00 am
bangun sahur. my mom did'nt say any words to me. and now im wondering why. ouh, ok. biarlah. everybody seems unsatisfied with me now. what ever. -__-'

11.00 am
bangun dari tidur.

1.15 pm
move to college. let see what happen.
hanging out at library. hubby meeting with his mentor. bila keluar,

syg, org kena sound dgn puan hazreen
kenape pulak ?
entah. sebab cinta cinta dalam kelas.

aik. now we got issue here. ape lah pulak masalahnye. sumpah lah aku penat. haih, now, aku nak ignore je ape orang nak fikir. i am done. im done for take care of people feeling. they have to know how to take care of mine. nobody is perfect lahh. and we are not the only student who bercinta dekat college. tak payah nak high light kitorang sangat. tapi, thanks sebab tegur. haih. janji i'll give the best for your subject sebab nak proof dekat dorang even i bercinta, im still focus in study.

3.20 pm
pre registration for next semester. ok, lets see. semua subject seems fine but, aik. kejap. management accounting ?! what the h, h and h ?! okayy, you can kill me now ! gila ke ? accounting principal pun aku dah hilang akal ! now you nak bagi yang ni pulak ? sumpah lah korang tak berhati perut ! haha. kejap. tapi if im not mistaken, somebody dekat admin told me. 'subject account korang yang principal jee. lepas ni takde dah.' nampaknye aku kena tipu lagi dengan ptpl. korang betul betul nak bunuh aku -__-'
ehh ehh, jangan lupa. next semester, aku amik F.I.N.A.N.C.E ! seriously, you can kill me !

4.45 pm
the descent part 2. believe me, that movie was disgusting and boringggg ! haha. tapi, okayy lahh. thanks darling :)

7.00 pm
dari bazaar wangsa melawati, move to kader for berbuka dengan yang tersayang. first time berbuka with my love one :) sweet gileee ! even dekat kader.*sayang, sorry sebab putih :(

8.00 pm
jalan jalan, and lepaking di taman. heee. so sweet lah tonight. i am so in love with you !

9.00 pm
go home and trying to solve my problem.

10.30 pm
now i've been thinking about us. we have to be stronger than now. we have to ignore what are people saying. the thing is, i got you and you got me. there's nothing we have to care except us. sumpah you're the one who always be my side even i am up or down. kau dah perfect dah. and you have to stop ask me 'menyesal tak dengan orang ?' you know the answer is 'takde lahh. tak pernah pun.'

i will never ever regret to have you. kau lah benda paling indah, paling sweet, paling bahagia yang pernah jadi dekat aku. i will through anything for you lah sayang. i will be strong for you. i will fight for you. yes i will and i can. now i dont even care what are people saying.i made the decision and i will take the risk. they dont have any idea how happy i am. how happy i am to be with you. :))

ENOUGH :)

cukup lah sayang, cukup lah. no more fighting. hati aku nii, tak tau lah.damn fragile. harap kau faham. harap kau hormat. bukan kate kau tak hormat, tapi entahlah. kite sama jee. sama ! percaya lah. tapi aku tak boleh hidup without you.

semalam gaduh, hari nii gaduh lagi. penat tahu ? tapi aku boleh jadi kuat sebab kau lahh. aku tak kisah pun. haha. janji kau dengan aku, aku jee. sumpah aku sayang kan kau.

tahu tak hari nii ? sumpah kelakar. kitorang semua buat bussiness hari nii. jual assignment. harap harap puan ayu tak bace lah blog aku nii. kalau tak, mati lahh. haha. untung ijam hari nii, dapat 10 ringgit. haha.

lepas tu, aku dengan fadzli, gaduh sampai berape kali tadi. pasal benda kecik pun nak gaduh. entah lah salah siape. mungkin jugak salah aku. tapi takpe lah. dah fix pun. entahlah kenape. hati nii, fragile sangat. sensitive sgt lahh. harap kau sabar wahai sayang. ekeke :D

sumpah tadi dekat bazaar, kitorang buat keriau gilee. haha, rasenye, couple ni lah paling havoc sekali. tapi, kalau lah ape ape jadi, aku takkan lupa nii semua. tapi harap harap, takde ape lah yang jadi. i'll be with you sampai mati yangg. ingat angan angan kite tak ? haha, so sweet. aku tak kisah lah berape orang dah tau yg kau nak kawin dgn aku. i'll make our dream come true yang. insyaallah.

this weekend, he gonna leave me, nak balik kampung :'(
insyaallah, i'll be fine. haha, tapi nii first time aku nak kena tinggal. 2 hari pulak tuu ! haih. sabar jelahh. i gonna miss you sayang. you're mine tahuuu ?

*tak kira berapa ratus kau menang, nobody can take you away from siti noor hidayah ali, understood ?! haha. takut tak yang ?

I CAN STAND FOR MORE TEST !

yes, i can. of course i can. like he said, nothing can separate us. pernah dgr ayat hanya maut memisahkan kita ? tapi aku rase tu jiwang sangat kot. ouh, wtv. its true. you made im in love with you. no regret syg. i'll be the best.

hari nii, sumpah aku tak kuat. test, test and more test. hold my hands sayang. i need to be strong. i need to be matured. i'll find the solution. but no more solution except us. yes, i admit it. i am stubborn. i am hot temper. but nobody can control my temper except you.

cry baby cry. i dont care. you are not weak at all. but you are sensitive guy. and nice one. for what i did to get you, it is worth. sayang, no regret at all. sumpah ! percaye lahh. you're the best and nothing can stop my feeling towards you sayang.

dari pagi, bawak ke petang, sampai lah malam. fight, fight and fight. kuat ke aku nak hidup tanpa kau ? tak langsung lah fadzli. TAK ! i am trying to be the best yang. accept lah ape yang ade dekat aku nii :(

hari ni die kata : 'kau pegi lah dekat die. kau pegi. aku nak tengok kau bahagia ke tak. kau pegi lah !'

ape yang aku kate, 'kau **** lah ! :'(
langsung takde niat nak biadap dgn kau. tapi sumpah tu lah perkataan yang buat air mate ni turun laju fadzli. lajuu. aku dah tak kisah seri ke ape ! tak kisah langsung lahh.

tahu ape lagi die kate ? 'kau nii budak cengeng !'

aku tak kisah lahhh ! haha, thats me. aku sensitive, aku cengeng. ape lagi ? aku tak kisah. i am totally me in front of you. really. there's nothing to hide lahh sayang.
this love, this fucking heart, it is belong to you. tulang rusuk aku, memang dari tulang rusuk kau. percaya lahh !

US.

it is really freedom when you became exactly you in front somebody you love.
there's no more things you have to hide, you have to deny when you with him.
there's no more 'you' or 'i' word. it is just 'us'.
no more selfish, no more hypocrite.
no more someone else.
it is really US.

dia kata, 'awak dah lain, dah makin sweet'
dia kata 'sumpah org nak kawin dengan awak'

tapi, aku kata, i am just me in front of you. sumpah lah org x hipokrit langsung. and one more thing, orang garang mcm dulu lahh ! tak percaya ? we'll see sayang. im not changed at all. haha.

tak percaya ke aku garang ? haha . you will believe.

whatever, my changers, my laugh, my sweet talking, it is just for you and it is because of you. only youu muhammad fadzli mohd ali :)

OUR NINA :)

Nina

Cinta Kita
Tabah Meniti Masa
Julang Kesetiaan

Oh

Nina

ku Terlena
Dalam Dakap Mesra Kasihmu
Dikau Alunkan Lagu Pilu

Linang Airmata
Terhurai Segalanya
Nina

Pergi Jua
Sedang Api Cintaku
Hangat Membara

Kaku Bibir Bicara
Lesu Tidak Bermaya
Merayu Kemaafan
Pinta Lupa Segala

Sayang Lupus Semuanya
Tinggallah Kenangan
Pohon Cintamu
Akan Kusiram Mawar
Semarak Cinta
Semadi Jua

Nina

Seandainya
Takdir Menentukan Segala
Akan aku Relakan Jua

Nina

!

IT CAN BE TRUE, AND IT WILL .

now, it is true. no doubt. no games. no more liar. it is just us. i mean you and me. lets make it easy sayang. i know we can. i am sure we can.

so much fighting, so much misunderstanding, so much tears. but now, we stand very strong with each other.

you are my laugh, my tears, my anti biotic, my everything.

thanks sayang, for every single things you did for me. sumpah kau lahh yg terbaik. tak tahu macam mane kalau takde kau sayang. thanks sayang. i love you more ! :*

AM I FAKE ?

hatoiii, feeling aku baru nak bahagia, tau tau, ade je yg buat perasaan ni bergelora. haih. fake kah aku ? tidak lahh, just trying to be my self. totally me. the way i like to be. the way i am comfortable with. sumpah lah, aku sayang die. tak ade makne nye aku nak jadi fake. this is me ! the real me.

tau tak, takde org boleh jadi my muhamad nur fadzli ? die je yang boleh jadi, and only him can make me laugh after make me cry !

sumpah lahh, aku tak fake. sumpah, aku lah perempuan yang sayang die, sumpah.

im not force my self to love him ! aku rela sayang kan die. haih. berhenti lah ! berhenti cakap aku fake !

the way i smile, the way i talk, the way i laugh, it is still same ! macam mane pulak kau kate aku lain sedangkan kau bukan selalu dgn aku pun ? aku bahagia lah dgn die. aku tak tipu sape sape. aku tak tipu diri sendiri. no, i am totally not FAKE ! this is original me ! sumpah !

tau tak ? aku patut ignore ape yang orang rase. what is important right now, my feeling to him, is not fake. i trully love him. i be myself all the time. yang bahagia, aku yang derita. bukan kau ! aku yang tanggung semua ! i mean SEMUA !

HAI RAMADHAN !

sambil updating blog, sambil dengar lagu raya, gila kan ? haha, sumpah semangat gila nk puasa nii. nak meningkatkan kasih sayang aku dekat Allah dan orang sekeliling yang di sayang, ekeke :D

bulan ni lah bulan yang bangkit kan semua kenangan aku, suka suka, haha. tapi know what ? this ramadhan, aku nak bukak buku baru, bahagia kan diri sendiri dan bahagia kan muhammad nur fadzli mohd ali.

hara harap, puasa penuh, tapi memang tak penuh lah kan, tuhan ampunkan semua dosa aku, banyakkan amalan aku, insyaallah.

tapi, baju raya aku macam tak nampak lubang je nak cari duit nak belii. haha, insyaallah, nanti ada lah tuu.

so tomorrow until saturday, aku ada test, haih. tapi insyaallah aku buat elok elok. harap harap ramadhan ni bukak kan hati aku nak belajar rajin rajin. hehe.

GUYS, SELAMAT MENYAMBUT RAMADHAN :)

HYE SUNSHINE :)

sunshine, come to me ! i know you're mine. only mine !

its been a hard day for muhammad nur fadzli and me, but guess what ? he fixed it. thanks sayang, kdg kdg aku fikir, kenapa lah aku tak fikir sejauh kau ? haha, agaknya, kau memang ditakdirkan untuk aku lah yang ! sumpah hari ni banyak gila gaduh, tapi, terima kasih sangat sangat dekat baby mokk aku yang banyak gila sabar. for those out there, lantak lah korang nak ckp dia kuat jealous ke apa. tapi dulu aku pun fikir macam tuu. tapi sekarang, baru lah aku faham, kenapa sampai macam tu sekali.

mok, kalau kau baca, percaya lah, tak kisah lah kau macam mana annoying pun, selagi berdirinya aku kat sebelah kau, kau kena confident dengan diri sendiri. just be your self in front of me. i love how ever you are sayangg, haih.

sekarang baru lah aku tau kenapa perasaan jealous tu ade. sebab perit bila kita hilang orang yang kita sayang. hope that is the last thing will ever happen to me. haii mokk, aku tak dapat nak cakap lah kan, tapi sumpah dooohhh, aku boleh mati kalau tak gelak dengan kau satu hari. ketagih mok, ketagih segala galanya yang ade dekat kau tahuu ? eeee, mcm mane lah aku nak cakap yang aku sayang gila kat kau haa ?!

okay lah, oleh sebab aku sayang kau, tahun ni aku pakai kebaya ek, sebab aku nak tunjuk yang my confident level increased because of you ! because of you ! percaya lah ! hahahah.

sumpah aku sasau dekat depan pc nii sebab kau dohhh. kesian lahh dekat aku :'(

mokk, jangan pegi jauh ek mokk, stick with forever ye sayang. i mean for ever ! tak sanggup mokk, nak tengok kau bahagia dengan orang lain. kau lah satu satu nya manusia yang pantul kan diri aku sendiri. kita sama yangg, sama sangat, takde orang lain boleh bahagia kan kau macam aku buat lahhh ! eeee :D

SAYANG, AKU SAYANG, CINTA, RINDU, NAKK KAT KAU JEEEE ! PAHAM TAK ?!!

I DELETED MY FACEBOOK ACCOUNT !

yes people, i deleted my facebook account. haha, its seems quite hard at first, tapi lama lama, bila tengok my baby mokk, sungguh sungguh nk aku delete, haih, ikutkan je lah, anything for you lah sayang :) haha, plus got few things yang mendorong benda ni jadi. hmm, first, kitorang banyak gaduh because of fb, cant deny it, fadzli is so sensitive guy i ever had. but its no so hard to take care of his feeling, but i have to admit it, banyak gila aku sakitkan hati dia. kadang kadang sengaja, kadang kadang tak, whatever it is, sumpah bahagia dengan kau lah baby mokk ! :D

second thing is, haih, aku kena BENGAP on fb, haih, sumpah marah gila. yess, i broke your heart, but its not the reason you boleh suka suka hati let your friends say something like that to me. and btw, you're not perfect either. we just same, cuma people only see kebaikan kau, tapi keburukan kau, orang tak nampak, semua tengok salah aku je. its really unfair ! haih.

and the third one is, i think i should pay more attention on study. haih, baru first semester, dah macam orang gila dah. tapi, keep try and trying, harap harap lah semuanya ok.

hhhmm, so now, stop pasal facebook. yesterday, fadzli, ijam, ekin and i pegi bukit belacan, mandi manda. haha, quite fun, tapi letih gila nak masuk ke dalam tu, kurus lah gemuk aku tu ! haha, so, lama jugak lah lepak kat sana, and lepas tu, adam datang, and we proceed pegi wangsa walk. apa lagi, karok ah ! haha, lama gila tak sumbang suara aku yang memang mengundang niii, haha. penat gila kitorang satu hari merayap. semua tipu mak bapak je nak keluar kan, mak abah aku ingat aku ada kelas, parents ijam dgn baby pun sama. haha, kira serong lah nii, takpe lah, bukan selalu :D

my baby bamm :)

so today, ada kelas macam biasa lah, tak tahu lah bala aku majal sape entah, helmet aku kena rembat, haih, sumpah tension lahhh ! so, this married couple pun buat job lah *my baby and me.
kitorang rembat balik helmet org, ya Allah, kering je laki bini ni kn. tapi takpelah, nanti insyaAllah aku pulang balik, ekeke :D

so tomorrow, my baby and i nak pegi jelatek, jogging katanya, haha. lepas tu malam, hah ! THE LAST AIRBENDER ! tunggu lah aku black list kn nama dekat wangsa walk tu, haha, may tomorrow is better than todayy :) big hugs guys, thank for reading :))

HYE AND YAAAH, AGAIN !

assalamualaikum, its been very long time im not updated this blog, haih, padahal aku tahu, nobody care ! haha, so now, my life is changed, changed at all. maybe im not the luckiest women ever, but yeaah, i am who i am now. once again, like you care, and i dont need you to care.

and now, im broke his heart, but im just really sorry, and once again i know, its not gonna fix with 'sorry' . i know you will find someone who much better than me. what you just need, is time. but still, thanks for everything, i mean EVERYTHING.

so many things happens around me, but it hard to explain and i think what happens, is yesterday, just close your eyes and ready for what happens tomorrow :)

and my tomorrow, i just hope is better. for muhammad nur fadzli mohd ali, maybe i could'nt be so perfect for you, but what ever it is, im trying, and trying. im so sorry for so many 'desa water park' , but im just be my self and i dont want it hurts you, but what i need, love me for who i am, and i hope im the best for you.

just give me much time for know you better, plant more understanding between us, you know, every one know, we just happy with each other, tapi dalam ketawa, kadang kadang perlu ada air mata, sebab air mata banyak mengajar dari ketawa :)

maybe i cant say it, but you know, you know me better, you know how much i want you, how much i care about you, how much i really love you. just learn from my words, my look, my tears, my laugh.

JUST PLEASE KEEP LEARN SAYANG, I KNOW YOU CAN :)

AL FATIHAH.

al fatihah.
khairul nizam bin kamarul zaman.
01st feb 1991 to 17th may 2010
ya Allah,Kau tarik kembali gelak tawanya,Kau tarik kembali segala senyumannya,Kau tarik kembali kekuatannya.Kau tarik kembali segala yang telah Kau pinjamkan.Kau tarik kembali sahabatku dunia akhirat,ya Allah.
aku tak minta dia kembali.
aku cuma minta,Kau jauhkan dia dari seksa api neraka,aku minta Kau tempatkan dia di kalangan kekasihmu.
Kau ampunkan segala dosanya ya Allah.
aku merayu padaMu.
jangan kau kurniakan penggantinya untukku.
kerna tiada sesiapa yang sepertinya.

Kau tabahkan hatiku.
Kau curahkan redhaMu.
ya Allah,kuatkan lah aku.

Nizam,kaulah sahabat aku dunia dan akhirat.
ampunkan lah semua dosa aku nizam.
maafkan aku sebab tak pernah ada bila kau perlukan aku.
maafkan aku bila aku cemburu bila ada orang lain rapat dengan kau.
terima kasih nizam.
teman aku kat sekolah,cc,kat taman mobil.
tempat tu tetap akan jadi kenangan kita.
KAU LAH SAHABAT AKU NIZAM.
AL FATIHAH.